Psychologists Have Discovered When Apologies Lose Their Meaning.

New psychological research published inmagazineEvolution and Human Behavior,shows that anger and hatred are not different degrees of one feeling, but independent emotional systems with different evolutionary tasks.This directly determines whether apologies work or, on the contrary, aggravate the conflict.

Not “stronger”, but differently

For a long time, two competing points of view existed in the scientific community.According to the first, hatred is prolonged or intensified anger. According to the second, this isqualitatively different state. A team of researchers led by Mitchell Landers of the University of California, San Diego, tested this debate from an evolutionary perspective.

“Anger and hatred are often perceived as the same emotion, just in different forms,” Landers says. “But if they are different emotions, they should solve different problems and lead to different behavior.”

Anger works like negotiation

From an evolutionary point of view, anger serves the function of bargaining. It arises in situations where a person is underestimated in cooperation – for example, costs are transferred to him or his interests are ignored.Anger serves as a signal that the current attitude is unacceptable.

In such a state, a person strives for dialogue. He wants an explanation, an apology, and a change in his partner’s behavior. The goal is not a break, but the restoration of cooperation on fairer terms.

Hatred as a Threat Elimination

Hatred solves another problem. It is not aimed at correcting relationships, but at protecting against those whose existence is perceived as harmful or dangerous. In such cases, negotiations become meaningless.

According to the authors, the object of hatred is perceived not as a partner, but as a threat or a burden.Therefore, strategies of distancing, undermining status, or completely breaking contact are launched.

How was it checked?

The study involved 725 people. Some were asked to remember a person with whom they were very angry,but they don’t hate.Others – the one they hate the most. Participants then rated which actions felt most natural to them.

Angry respondents chose strategies of conversation, explanation, and reconciliation. Those in the hateful state were likely to prefer complete avoidance, social harm, or fantasies about eliminating the source of the problem.

Why apologies don’t always work

The differences appeared to be consistent across all countries. Angry participants believed the apology was effective and were willing to listen to the other side. Hatred participants perceived apologies as unhelpful and even annoying.

“If a person is angry, apologizing can help, but if they are feeling hateful, trying to reconcile can backfire because the goal is no longer to restore the relationship,” Landers explains.

When one thing turns into another

The study also found that very intense and prolonged anger sometimes begins to resemble hatred. If attempts to negotiaterepeatedlyfail, the emotional system can “switch” from bargaining to elimination.

At the same time, increased hatred almost completely suppresses the desire to communicate. This confirms that hatred is not just “loud anger”, but a transition to a different psychological mode.

“Just because hatred is evolutionarily aimed at neutralizing a threat does not make it justified,” Landers emphasizes.

According to the researchers, this work helps to better understand why some conflicts can be resolved and others cannot. The key takeaway is simple: Before you apologize, it’s important to understand whether you’re dealing with anger or hatred.